I Spy

My daughter, God and I love her so, has always been a special child. Special in great ways and special in the fact that she doesn't socialize with her own age group. She can converse and be friends with adults, babysit children, but has no close friends her own age. It has always been this way, from when she was in pre-school, first grade and into middle school. Middle school is tougher though. Kids can, and will be cruel. So Hannah wanted out. She wanted to home school, she wrote a letter to my boss asking for office space so she can be near me and attend to her schooling online at the same time.

That is not an option.

So we struggled with this, her strong academic skills and work ethic with her less-than-stellar peer group social skills. Starting the school year is always hard but this year it was tougher. Tears weeks before school started, tears at night, long talks with her pleading "please help me daddy!"

So what do I do?

I prayed about this at devotions at work, I spoke with other people. I even spoke to my sister, Kathy about it. The result - we were going to find the money somewhere and get her in a small, Christian school. I don't have the funds but somehow we would have to do it. So we scheduled a meeting with a local school and we were going to tell Hannah that we are looking at this option as we have to be interviewed, with her present.

So this week, as Hannah is crying in her bed at night, I tell her that she just can't sit at a lunch table alone and look so down. She has to finish her lunch, walk tall, put a smile on her face and walk around. Ask kids questions, just don't sit there and look mopey! And one more thing, I said pray as you walk, pray that God would deliver a smile to a face, that He would give her more confidence. I told Hannah that I suffer the same way and that God WILL show up, somehow, somewhere in this problem. I was sure of it. I almost guaranteed it. He has showed up in my life. Just pray as you walk and He WILL show up, somehow. in some way.

Then I thought, "What have I done?" What if God wants to wait? Have I asked too much, promised His arrival in a specific area, in a specific time?

So I was at Devotions (11:30 every day at Open Doors) and told most of the story but not of my promise to Hannah. Most people know Hannah at Open Doors as she has volunteered here. Many came over after and said they'd pray for confidence or that one person would come befriend Hannah. That has been my most fervent prayer; that one little girl would take God's urging and befriend Hannah.

So many prayed. Fervently. In tears I told this story.

And God showed up.

For over 360 days in middle school, Hannah ate alone, but that day, two little girls came over to Hannah, and asked her to have lunch with them.

God showed up.

But I didn't know that. So after school, we discussed with Hannah that we were looking at other schools. She said she wanted to stay at San Elijo Middle School. After a pause, she told us the story.

I had meetings this weekend with our board at Open Doors and had the opportunity to spend time with Roger Spoelman. He plays a game with his children where they play "I Spy" but they play it with God. They ask, “Where did you see God today?” You see, Roger realized early on that if you start looking at a certain car, maybe a Mini Cooper, you will suddenly see more on the freeway. You don't will them to appear, you notice them more. Your brain gets acclimated to seeking and finding that object. Hannah realized that many years ago as a little girl.  She even told me about this phenomenon.

So I asked Hannah, was this God answering the prayers of many who hold you dear and pray for you, and God showing up like we talked about? Was this an "I Spy" moment? Or was it just a coincidence?

Hannah said she thought it was a coincidence.

God is still working on her. I am too.

Keep praying because He shows up. I have seen it. I have proof.

Returning to where I came from

Writing for school has taken its toll. So many papers are "reflective" that I've been remiss in writing on the blog. Then it is such a long time since you wrote, you feel bad. Sort of like writing in a diary. Miss a few times and you stop because of the gap.
Lots has changed since that post in 2010 and that, I hope, I'll gather together so I can always remember the intricate journey that God took me on. But today, working at Open Doors, I had the opportunity to have a day of "Extended Personal Communion Day." What does that look like? Well, it centers around "Space for God." The same topic that I left on in April of 2010. So as Paul Jensen was setting up our day he spoke of God anticipating this time with us. That struck me. God looking forward to speaking with us just like we look forward to speaking with a treasured friend. So as I thought about the four hours in the middle of this day I wondered what I wanted to do. Bike down to the beach? That would accomplish exercise and a quiet time near the ocean. Maybe finish the forms for obtaining the Legion of Honor medal for Jim Cramer, my father's WWII buddy. That would be worthwhile also. What about finally putting work in remembering the journey God took me on in the three years prior to being placed here at Open Doors? That would honor God's work with me. But Paul spoke, in passing, about possibly sharing in grief with another person. Well, that hit home, as two close friends lost a parent this weekend. They both told me within hours of each other. My best friend Tyler lost his mother this last Saturday. We affectionately called her, "Wondermom" because, in fact, she was just that. A wonder of strength, of character and of faith. Another close friend Al, lost his father after a battle with ALS. So there I sat last Saturday, crying like a baby. Sad for Tyler, sad for my loss, as WonderMom was always so nice, so sincere and so caring to me. Thankful for the memories though.

So as I was packing my bike and getting ready to head to the beach, I dropped both friends a text telling them that I was taking some time, by the grace of God, to spend away in prayer for them and that if they had the time, to call me. Al called and said that the funeral was today at 1:00 and that he need my prayers and would want to speak with me tomorrow. So off I rode. Getting 1/2 mile from the office, I get a call from Tyler. I stopped under a tree and we spoke for an hour. He told me the story of his mother's last few days. Her diagnosis with cancer on Tuesday, her call to her sons to her side on Thursday and her dying peacfully at her home early Saturday morning. With Tyler by her side. A story of a gracious woman, lovd by a gracious God, joyfully meeting each other in heaven.

Very few tears. More on my side than Tyler's. I'm uually the emotional one now. Crying at Sports Center, "Make-a-Wish" stories at 5:30 AM. Tyler told me of his mother's great faith, her desire to be with her God and to see her husband again, who died two years ago. But in the end, God took this time, this space, to connect me back with my best friend, who God has graced me with, intertwining our lives in so many ways.

So we talked, the loving, space-filled talk of two men who trust deeply, love deeply and know that their eternal destinations are assured. We will truly always be friends. We found out that our two nieces that were born three days apart, twenty-some years ago are getting married in Pittsburgh seven days apart. Twenty five years ago we spent time in a bar together, hoping that our nieces woould be born on the same day, in our minds, cementing the friendship. That didn't happen but our lives stayed connected. Now we know we will be in Pittsburgh together, celebrating the marriage ceremonies of those same liitle baby girls we hoped would share a birthday. Tyler and I have been through so much. The depth of friendship that carried us through the best of times, the worst of times. And now through the saddest of times.

So I go back. Always remebering that those who know me best know me as "Little Tommy Smith." Tyler calls me that, so does God. I love and am loved by both.

I am so blessed.

Grief and the Holy Spirit

So if you know me, you probably know that my father died when I was 10 years old, and for many years that affected me. More than just affecting me, it spun me sideways in my relationship to God, my family and others. It has caused ripple effects years, even decades later. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28). So we flash forward to two years ago. My dear friends suffer the tragic death of the mother. The 75-year old father and 4-year old daughter are left to try to go on alone. But the Holy Spirit paired Mark and the little girl Karina with us in His wisdom as our close friends. The process of their grieving has been made more difficult with health issues of Mark having suffered two heart attacks, being diabetic other health issues and suddenly having to be the primary care-giver for this little girl Karina, my Godchild.

Can the Holy Spirit use anything for those who love Him? Never question this. Please I pray, never question this. Seek God's wisdom. It is a humbling, awesome process and experience.

So a few weeks ago, I'm getting my car my washed and while I'm working on some school work waiting, I see a story on "Camp Comfort Zone." This is camp where children who suffered a loss can find a place, people and tools to help them grieve and recover well. So I see an opportunity to volunteer at this camp and learn how to minister to Karina and help her in the grieving process I thought. I thought. God has more in mind. I never thought He would use this to pull me closer to my sisters and mother.

Several months ago, in my Psychology class, as wise, humble woman, Nancy Brandon, spoke to me about how I might bring my sisters and me closer. She counseled me to speak about my grief and that this may be a way to unearth some of my family's feelings about their loss and draw us closer. And then that may draw us closer to the Lord. Again, this was months ago. But the Lord works in His time, not mine. This week, I was speaking to my sister about my week and the discovery of some lost military medals that my father earned during WWII that were not on his official record. I then also spoke about my going to Camp Comfort Zone this weekend to be an observer. My sister and I talked about the difference in my reaction to my father's death compared to hers. We then talked about my brother's death several years ago and how that affected her much more than me. We were getting closer to each other's hearts than we had ever been. But then she pulled away. We were getting closer to her heart than she was comfortable and she said she had to go. But we made progress. Actually, the Lord made progress.

See How the Holy Spirit works? He was winding my grief, Nancy Brandon, a car wash, Comfort Zone Camp, Mark and Karina and even a song that just came on my iPod, set on random, these words come up:

"What heights of love,

what depths of peace

When fears are stilled,

when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand"*

So I sit, alone in my office, crying tears of joy to a God who loves me, designed me, cares for me and guides me.

Now just this morning, I was speaking to my mother. As I spoke about camp tonight, my mother said that if she lived near me, she would volunteer there. She sees tremendous value in teaching children to grieve. She then talked about what she believes she did wrong in leading our family after my father's death. She spoke of taking the family to my father's gravesite several months after his death. She said it was so emotional she vowed never to do that again. So she used her strength, which is massive, and put us on her shoulders and we moved on.

But there, I believe, at the gravesite that day, was Christ, watching us leave, saying,"Don't leave, I'll comfort you, I'll worship your tears, I'll hold you in my arms. I'll guide you. Please don't leave, my children!"

But we did. My mother did what she thought was best for her, for us. But Christ didn't forget us, he didn't abandon us. He wasn't angry at us for leaving. He watched over us. He waited till we were ready and he was there when we sought Him. He continues to this day. Sometimes at a carwash. Sometimes in an office. Sometimes in our prayers. But always He seeks us out. Because He loves us so much. I am so sure of this. He loves us so much.

Lyrics by Phillips Craig Dean - "In Christ alone"

A Satisfied Soul has "Spacious Encounters with God" - Stephen Macchia

From the book, God Calling. Part of today's reading:

"Discourage too much talk. Deeds live, and re-echo down the ages -- words perish. As Paul: Though I speak with tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, . . . And have not charity, I am nothing....

Remember that rarely to the human heart do I speak in words. Man will see Me in My works done through you, meet Me in the atmosphere of Love and self-effacement. Do not feel that you have to speak.

When man ceased to commune with his God simply and naturally, he took refuge in words—words. Babel resulted. Then God wanted to do away with man from the earth. Rely less on words. Always remember that speech is of the senses. So make it your servant, never your Master."

"And that ye study to be quiet." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

Even when we pray, do we speak all the time? Do we pause or even stop to wait, to listen for God? The book God Calling is from two women, two listeners, who prayed and then listened for direction from Jesus. They wrote down what they heard. They were blessed. They prayed and listened. As we pray, do we talk to God, which is good, or listen for God, which may be better?

God is patient. He may not interrupt our prayers unless He has to. He will wait for a pause, a biblical selah, in the conversation. Do we do this with our friends? Wait for them to finish speaking before we talk? Or do we interrupt with our "insight" or remembrances? God is a patient, better friend than I am. He waits for me to stop talking before He speaks.

Pray for me that I stop talking, chatting incessantly, and that I pause and quiet my soul and listen for Him.

"But these times are not times when you ask to be shown and led, they are times of feeling and realizing My Presence. Does the branch continually ask the Vine to supply it with sap, to show it in what direction to grow? No, that comes naturally from the very union with the Vine, and I said, "I am the true vine, ye are the branches."

The quote in the title is from Stephen Macchia, Founder and President of LeadershipTransformations.org

The Power of Prayer - The Power of being "Present"

I was asked by my friend Dave, a chaplain candidate in the Army Reserve, to pray for him during his last 10 weeks of seminary studies. It felt a little contrived since it was a requirement of his schooling to ask 10 people to pray for him, but I agreed, with the disclaimer that he'd doesn't know what I pray about. You see, the privilege that God gives us in brotherhood is the privilege to see others in a different light and to pray what the Spirit leads us to pray, not what they ask for or what we think they need praying about.

So I prayed. I prayed about his temptation. I prayed for his support. I missed a few days then I prayed on Wednesday that my friend would would find what God is really directing him to, what the Lord really wants to teach him. Nothing more.

Dave had a fellow blogger, a man he only met once, ask Dave if he was "up for some counseling as he was in need of some help. My reply? "Sure thing - what can I do you for?"

The key is that Dave was there for him if the man needed it. The man never responded to his e-mails. Dave picks the story up here. "... I was corresponding with him, and casually asked what had been going on that had prompted his original request, and his later expression of thanks."It was suicide," he told me. "You were there. That was enough. That was just enough."

The Power of Prayer - God gave me a glimpse of the power of praying for somebody and God's answer to that prayer.

The Power of Presence - God wants us to be there for each other so HE can work through us. His "presence" can work through us being "present" for other people. Small encouraging words, an offer of coffee, a beer. God wants us to be there for each other. My friend learned that advanced theological degrees aren't what God wants, he wants us to use that teaching to shape our hearts. To open them. To let Him use our hearts.

My friend is humbled today that God would speak to him, affirm that it is not our power to preach, to amaze others with our advanced Theological learning. No, God wants us to be there for each other with our heart open to Him so that His Spirit can speak through us.

Cool stuff. Godly cool stuff.

Dave's Blog - http://adonaisemperfi.blogspot.com/

Wisdom of a Child

My relationship with Luke is a gift from God. I teach him, he teaches me. Some background. He has not had a win in bike racing in 9 months (since my last blog post also). This week, he raced at Lake Perris, came in third in the first preliminary heat but was able to take the lead in the final race and hold off other bikers for a win. A great experience. That's the "good". The "bad" is that he has been less than energetic getting chores and schoolwork done and when I have to remind him, he gives out a big sigh, rolls his eyes (he says he doesn't) and groans while he has to do it. So this tension between him and I has been growing and we talked about it with no clear conclusion. Sunday, as we sat watching TV, out of the blue, he said, "I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I want to apologize if I have been rolling my eyes and being disrespectful."

That's the heart of my son. I was so proud.

So we go on. Luke loves to have discussions and will always say, "So, what do you want to talk about?" He does this when we are alone or when we have a bunch of guys driving to a BMX race. So we are coming back from a new track in Chula Vista last night and we start a discussion. As it goes on, I ask him if we should feel bad about not taking some neighbor's children to church with us more often since these kids really enjoy it and their parents don't attend a church, have an known relationship with God, and are definitely not believers in Jesus Christ. Luke said that it was the parent's responsibility, not ours. Then we talked about the fact that all people, some day, must address their relationship with God, either now or sometime before they die. These parents just haven't done that yet. Since we have a relationship with the Lord, we should step in with these children. We also talked about conversations I had with my brother Billy, just prior to his death, with the hope that my brother, in a coma, may have given his life to Christ gefore his death. We talked about this some more then Luke talked about a movie he saw about Christmas. He talked about how a kid was being a bully all year long knowing that he was going to ask God for forgiveness just before Christmas. The bully knew that God would forgive him. Luke saw the analogy of my brother never relating to God, possibly till right before his death. He didn't think that was fair, in either case, for the person to live a life of bullying, or indifference to God, knowing that God would always forgive them, no matter what. Luke said, "It is like you are abusing God, knowing that whatever you do, he will forgive you, because he's God."

Abusing God. Never thought about it that way. But Luke did. We have some things to work out in his theology, but the fact that Luke, at 10, is pondering the gift of God's grace and forgiveness is the part that makes me proud of the heart God has placed in him.

Luke may struggle at reading. We may battle over responsibility and maturity. But he has a heart. My Lord thank you, this boy has a heart for You.

Luke's Heart and a Jedi mind trick



A lot of times we have to to work with our children when they come up against issues that they have never faced before.  With Luke, I can learn from him as much as he can from me.

As we were talking one night before he went to sleep, Luke told me about a situation in one of his classes.  A teacher, known as a "mean teacher" by some of the students in the school, had been in the habit of handing out test papers and commenting as she handed them out.  One of Luke's classmates was struggling in the class, and according to Luke, the teacher would make a joke or a unkind comment that the other students would hear and sometimes laugh at.  Luke thought the teacher was being unkind and we left it as an item we would talk about some other night.
 
A week or two went by and I finished my breakfast one morning and asked Luke what was the latest with that teacher.

His reply,"I talked to her this week."

Shock.

I immediately sat down and  asked for details.  Luke said that as the teacher was passing out papers, she made a comment about the student's results.  Apparently Luke decided to do something.  He stayed after class and spoke to the teacher.  He said that what the teacher  was saying to the student wasn't kind and that it would be better, if the student didn't do well, to maybe she should work with the student some more.and not say things out loud to the student when he gets a bad grade.

Double Shock.

"So" I said, " what did the teacher says."  He said that she she said in all of her years of teaching, no student has every confronted her like that,  She also said that she will try to do better in the future.

I am so proud.of Luke.  On his own, he decided that the situation wasn't getting better and that he needed to act.  He responded discreetly and respectfully.  He described the action and the result of that action.  He suggested possible corrective action.  This is classic mangement in a loving, caring way.  I have to study and learn these behaviors.

Luke has them in his heart.

So I told my friends about Luke, I told his grandparents.  I thought that was it.
The next weekend, I asked if there had been any changes in the teacher's behavior.  He said she was passing back test the next week ands as she came to the student who always has difficulty.  She was ready to say something, then she looked at Luke, smiled and just gave the student his test back quietly.

I asked Luke how he felt.  He said, as he saw the teacher getting close to the student and then walk away and he felt like the scene from Star Wars where Obi-Wan used a Jedi mind trick to convince a Stormtrooper to tell Obi-Wan and Luke to "move along."

Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Obi-Wan: He can go about his business.
Stormtrooper: You can go about your business.
Obi-Wan: Move along.


Only Luke