C. S. Lewis wrote a great book called The Screwtape Letters . In the book, “we are made privy to the instructional correspondence between a senior demon, Screwtape, and his wannabe diabolical nephew Wormwood. As mentor, Screwtape coaches Wormwood in the finer points, tempting his "patient" away from God. (Amazon.com Reviews)”
I was trying to not be political this year but as I was exercising today I took this approach to having a “senior demon” as a campaign advisor.
Screwtape’s letter to Obama
If you want to get elected, there are few things my dear Wormwood, I mean Barack, that you’ll have to know. They aren’t easy and it doesn’t matter if you believe them or not, just do these things and after your elected, I’ll take care of everything.
Be on the Left – American media has been educated in some of the finest colleges and universities in the world. They are indoctrinated in this Petri dish until they graduate. If they work in the media, they can hold these beliefs and face no consequences like they would in the real world. Remember, you need them, they need a hero. It works.
Be good looking – Humans are designed to like the pretty. You can’t be beautiful or they’ll think you’re shallow. It’s even better if your opponent is older than you. Even better if he’s not as pretty.
Don’t have a lot of experience – Experience means you have left a trail of paperwork that can divulge our true intentions. Speak in grand tones about things you want to do, not about anything you have done.
Speak well – It is more important to speak well than to say anything. Remember, if you speak well people will believe you are intelligent and insightful. Do not speak about your true feelings or beliefs, those are dangerous and can be attacked. Any attack on you can be fended off with a laugh and a well-spoken line.
Be for abortion (call it “Choice”) – You don’t care about this topic, I do. Remember that mothers can vote for you, babies, I mean fetuses, cannot.
Do what is best for you at the time – If you are behind in fundraising, say you are for public financing, if you are ahead, don’t take it. If you are behind, challenge your opponent to an endless series of debates, if you get ahead, only do the minimum. Standards are for the other side, not for us. We want to win at all costs and the media will cover for us (See point 1).
If you have disgust for Americans below you, don’t say it – Remember that you need them to vote for you. If you think they cling to their religion and guns because they are afraid, DON’T say it. If you have to vent your disgust for the little people, say it in a safe place like at an editor’s dinner, at home with some college professors or anywhere in San Francisco.
Attack your opponent on YOUR weaknesses – If you don’t love the country, tell your opponent that you won’t question his patriotism. Since you are weak in experience, paint him as an entrenched part of the problem.
Promise everybody something – It doesn’t matter how the country will pay for it, Americans love debt. They all have it. They don’t mind if their country is mired in it also. It means they have company. Nobody totals up all of your promises after the election. If some sector complains, promise them some more.
Talk about being a Christian, just don’t live it – If you live like a Christian, you’ll have to follow my opponents Book. It doesn’t change, feelings do. We need flexibility if we are going to pull this off. People on the right are constrained by having to have moral absolutes and “loving your neighbor”, we want to win. Sure they are some good things about Christianity but don’t take it too far.
Make those poor voters feel like victims – Personal responsibility is so over-rated. Tell them it is not their fault and that “Big Business” or foreigners are at fault. Remember it worked for many of my protégés in the past.
You don’t have to have character, just speak about it. Charisma will win out in the end – Enough said.
I’ll keep an eye on you so the Enemy won’t suspect a thing.
Affectionately Yours,
Screwtape
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: THIS MESSAGE ORIGINATES FROM DOWN BELOW. THE INFORMATION IN THIS TRANSMISSION IS PRIVATE, CONFIDENTIAL, IS THE PROPERTY OF THE BEELZEBUB AND IS INTENDED SOLELY FOR THE USE OF THE ADDRESSEE IN HIS ATTEMPT TO DO MY WORK. IF YOU ARE NOT THE ADDRESSEE, YOU SHOULD NOT DISCLOSE, DISTRIBUTE, COPY, USE, OR RELY UPON THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS TRANSMISSION. ALL PERSONAL MESSAGES EXPRESS VIEWS SOLELY OF LUCIFER WHICH ARE NOT TO BE ATTRIBUTED TO GOD OR HIS SERVANTS, AND MAY NOT BE COPIED OR DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT THIS DISCLAIMER. IF YOU RECEIVED THIS TRANSMISSION IN ERROR, PLEASE NOTIFY APOLLYON PROMPTLY AT (800) 666-SOUL.
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